Archive | 12:01 AM

things i’ve been meaning to tell you: october 2018

4 Oct

One: I’ve been watching the newest episodes of The Great British Bake Off on Netflix—you know, the ones sans Mary Berry, Mel, and Sue. But the ones that still had Paul Hollywood as one of the judges. I was as hesitant as most people were at these changes—how could it possibly be even an iota as good at the originals without Mel and Sue and Mary?!?—but I’ve found that I like the two new comedians who have replaced Mel and Sue, and I read an interview with Prue, the host who replaced Mary Berry, about how she once went to a sex party and just walked around naked, but purposefully, from room to room, as if she had an assignation to get to, though she never participated in the sex part of it, which made me laugh and think hey, this lady might not be so bad.

Anyway, the other thing I’ve noticed with the new episodes is that Paul Hollywood shaking hands with a baker when he feels they’ve done an exceptional job has become A Thing. Like, a Big Thing. The contestants, when they receive a handshake, are all sorts of agog and beside themselves and all atwitter. You’d think they were shaking the hand of Jesus Christ Himself. Then again, I’m sure there are people out there who consider Paul Hollywood their Baking Savior, so I guess it makes sense. I don’t really see it, but then, I’ve always thought Paul Hollywood is a bit of an arrogant blue-eyed baker, and I don’t think much of his opinion, so there’s that.

 

Two: I may have mentioned this before, but the UB40 version of Can’t Help Falling in Love is better than Elvis’s version. There. I said it. And if I haven’t mentioned it before, well, now I have.

 

Three: We’ve been eating in restaurants a lot lately—too much, but thankfully that’s changing—and I think we all need to be honest and admit something: 99% of breakfast restaurants’ hashbrowns are terrible. They’re just stupid to the point of why put them on the plate? More often than not they’re undercooked and flavorless, and if there is one thing you are going to do to insult me, it’s serve me a poorly made potato. Potatoes are like tofu, in a way—they are vehicles to carry other flavors. And often those flavors are salt, oil, and/or butter. Sometimes garlic. Maybe a little rosemary. Or thyme. But if we’re talking hashbrowns, just go with the straight salt and your choice of fat (oil, butter, bacon grease; I’m not picky), and for the love of all that his holy, make sure they’re cooked well. Hashbrowns should be golden and crispy on the outside (maybe more than golden if you like them well done), and creamy on the inside. But do most breakfast places heed these cookery instructions? No. And that’s why most restaurant places end up serving terrible hashbrowns. (The exception being my all-time favorite breakfast place, The Scrambled, which has, hands down, the best hashbrowns in the world, and I would slap your mom on the head if she tried to get between me and their hashbrowns.) (Not my mom, mind you. But your mom I’ll totally slap.)

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