things i’ve been meaning to tell you: june 2015

10 Jun

One:

Every morning I actually manage to rouse my ass and go to the gym (don’t get excited—more often than not I’m still half asleep, so the effectiveness of said workouts is completely questionable), I get the stink-eye from my dog. She peeks one eye at me and gives me a look of utter disdain as if to say, “Who the fuck is you, rolling out of bed at the break of dawn, lady? You crazy.” And I’m not sure I’m okay with that. I’m not sure I’m okay with being so heavily judged by an animal that frequently falls off the couch while licking her own butt, and thinks goose poop is such tantalizing ambrosia that she must eat it and/or roll in it whenever she can.

Two:

Swede and I need new phones. He dropped his in Green Bay two years ago, shorting out the camera, and it can’t hold a charge to save its life, and the charging port on my phone has stopped functioning. Granted these phones are three years old, so none of this is terribly surprising. Unfortunately for us, we haven’t had the seven hours available needed to go get new phones—because you know that shit takes forever—which means (long story short) (too late) most of Memorial Day Weekend was spent phone-free.

And you know what? If f-ing sucked.

I don’t care what all of those bullshit life hack memes say, not having your phone is not relaxing, actually, it’s quite irritating. If I needed to call someone (and I did, when the garage door of our condo was jammed open and I needed to get in touch with the management company) I had to do so through my computer. Which is fine, but it’s not like I could figure out how to get anyone to call me back on my laptop if needed.

And then there was the fact that I nearly sent a 20+ year friendship down the tubes because I didn’t have a freaking phone. There was no way for Mare (or any other friend, for that matter) to know that the reason I might not respond to a text she might send inviting me over to do some porch sitting and sipping is because my phone was kaput. Granted, she didn’t send such a text, and aren’t we all lucky for that, because otherwise I would have missed it, she would have been upset and felt so sad because she’d think I was ignoring her, and then she’d get angry and you do NOT want to see that Irishwoman angry, and then SNAP: Almost three decades of friendship gone in an instant because my g-d phone was dead.

The moral of the story is we need to get to T-Mobile as soon as freaking humanly possible, before any friendships are ruined beyond repair.

Three:

A couple weeks ago, moments before I left for work, the closet in our bedroom imploded on me.

Closet Implosion

Don’t worry, no shoes or McPolishes were harmed in this event.

Some might take this as an indication that I need to clean out said closet and get rid of some things, and hopefully prevent another closet collapse, but I beg to differ. I just did a purge over Memorial Day Weekend (what else was I supposed to do? I didn’t have a freaking phone, so no one could invite me over for porch drinking), and there is nothing left for me to give away. I do actually wear all of the things on my side of this closet. (Not all at the same time, mind you. That would just be crazy talk.)

Therefore, the only solution is to install California closets and call it a day. Or move to a home with more than two closets in it. (Yes, two. That is the exact number of closets we have in our bootbox of a condo.) (Which is freaking ridiculous. My studio apartment in DC had more storage than this damn condo.) Either/or. Whichever can happen faster, because I’m tired of finding the cats in my underwear box. Listen, I know those chonies are comfortable, but those chonies are for me to wear, not for the cats to use as a bed.

5 Responses to “things i’ve been meaning to tell you: june 2015”

  1. mary June 10, 2015 at 9:11 AM #

    The invite for porch sitting and sipping is a standing invite, good for anytime you want to come over. No calls needed. Just come over.

    • mollystrz June 10, 2015 at 9:40 AM #

      I’ll be there in five minutes.

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