I’ve recently found myself on the short end of the employment stick, and while there is much to dislike about unemployment, there is much to rejoice in. Here, a top 12 list of Good Things, re: Unemployment:
- More time to research the actual words of songs, rather than what I think they are and have been singing for some time now. For example, the correct lyrics to the Four Tops’ song are actually, “ain’t no woman like the one I got,” NOT “ain’t no woman like a one-eyed slut.” Tell your friends.
- When I go to the public library, I don’t feel so greedy when I check out seven books at once; now I can actually make a valiant attempt—and succeed—at reading all of them in the allotted two-week checkout time, instead of pretending like I have such exceptional time management that I can work, cook, eat, clean, exercise and read multiple books in as many weeks and don’t actually need to sleep.
- I’ve always wanted to take up knitting.
- No I haven’t.
- More time to become the extreme couponer I’ve always wanted to be, even though those people terrify me.
- Particularly because now that I ain’t got no job, saving money is more important than ever.
- Except that, even in lean times, do I really need 1,247 packages of ramen noodles that I bought for -$5.22?
- Finally a chance to dedicate more time to my passion: writing the next Great American Haiku.
- Well, it is tax time….
- One word for you: Pinterest.
- I can finally go through the boxes I stashed in Swede’s basement a year ago and hopefully find my snowpants, even though apparently Old Man Winter is on vacation and was last seen slathering on SPF 75 and making a run for the beach. Also, maybe I can find my salad spinner and bring it back to Chicago with me. I miss my salad spinner. Do you need your salad spun? I could do that for you. First spin is free, but after that, I’m charging. Gal’s got to make a living somehow, you know.
- More time for prayer. Because Holy Jesus I need a job if for no other reason than it’s been a week and a half and I’m already bored.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have some very important things to handle, such as making a nuisance of myself at the public library and manically pinning more things to my “Stuff to Wear” and “Wall Hangings” boards. For serious, people, it’s my busy season.