Though the title of this post sounds complicated, the steps are actually quite easy.
- Have a sister who lived in Japan for many several years, speaks Japanese and introduces you to vegetables pickled in various salts and spices all contained in a single packet bearing no English writing on it whatsoever.
- Demand said sister get you some of said pickle packets.
- Forget to retrieve said pickle packets on a visit home, thus forcing said sister to send the packets through the mail.
- Receive an envelope in the mail that is wrinkled and ripped and stuffed inside another envelope.
- Open package curiously and let granule contents fly everywhere in your haste.
- Give package a strange look.
- Look closer and realize, HOORAY! Aforementioned sister sent the aforementioned pickle packets you’d forgotten! In an envelope! That ripped! And got sent back to post office! Where they stuffed it in an envelope and forwarded it to you! And probably called authorities and were like, “Um, yeah, the girl in that apartment is receiving powder packets with foreign handwriting in the mail. That’s fuckin’ weird. Keep an eye on her.”
- Slice up cucumbers, peppers, tomatoes or whatever veggie you so choose and put it in bowl.
- Dump the contents of the pickle packet on top of the veggies.
- Do the hokey pokey and shake it all about.
- The container of veggies, not your ass.
- But you can shake your ass, too, if that’s what you like.
- Really, you can do both.
- Actually, you should do both.
- Let the veggies stew in the pickle packet contents for at least 30 minutes.
- Continue shaking your ass.
- Grab a fork and dig into the veggies.
- Share with your local mail carrier.