A while ago, after professing my intention to complete a half-marathon, my friend Cassie sent me an email. She needed something to train for, but had already done a half-marathon and had no desire to do another one.
Would I, then, be interested in being her partner for a Muddy Buddy race?
Before I could stop myself I said yes.
And then immediately crawled under my desk in a panic and thought, “SHE’LL NEVER FIND ME HERE ON RACE DAY!”
(Great. Now I’ve blown my own hideout.)
Because really, I have no business doing a race like this. The running portions—fine. And the biking portions—okay, once I actually get a bike, fine. But the obstacle portions? Errmmm…to say that I have a flagrant lack of upper body strength would be an understatement. I get fatigued curling my hair. So please, if I don’t show up for work on Monday, can someone please come and check the field? I’ll be the one sitting at the base of the wall climb, hurling myself at it on occasion in a lame attempt to scale over it. Birds and other wildlife will be perched atop it, mocking my noodle arms.
Needless to say, between the half-marathon in August and the two other half-marathons I sight up for later in the year, and this Muddy Buddy, I’m clearly out of my ever-loving mind.
But it’s official, we’re registered, so there’s no backing out now. We even have a team name, which came out of much thoughtfulness and deliberation, because Cassie and I are nothing if not thoughtful and deliberate people. (If not fucking crazy.):
Cassie: Ok. I’m registering. But it is asking for a team name. I don’t think we can change it.
Do you have any ideas? I’m drawing a blank. We are both Irish, Polish & Awesome. That seems like a kind of long name.
Cassie: We could just be OMG!! WTF are we doing!?!?!?!
me: I LOVE IT! Or just simply OMG WTF
Cassie: I think I actually like that.
It captures our spirit.
Or, at least, mine.
Maybe with some punctuation: OMG! WTF!
Like, we’re surprised we’re here.
me: It totally captures my spirit as well
I like it either way, with or without punctuation
Cassie: Maybe no punctuation. That way, it could be interpreted in a variety of ways:
Depending on the situation.
Cassie: Ok. I’m going with it. OMG WTF
me: I think simply OMG WTF
Cassie: We are insane.
me: That is true. I am going to handle the Tshirts. What color? Hot pink?
Cassie: YOU UNDERSTAND THAT PARTICIPATION IN THE EVENT IS POTENTIALLY HAZARDOUS, AND THAT A REGISTERED PARTY SHOULD NOT PARTICIPATE UNLESS THEY ARE MEDICALLY ABLE AND PROPERLY TRAINED. YOU UNDERSTAND THAT EVENTS MAY BE HELD OVER PUBLIC ROADS AND FACILITES OPEN TO THE PUBLIC DURING THE EVENT AND UPON WHICH HAZARDS ARE TO BE EXPECTED. PARTICIPATION CARRIES WITH IT CERTAIN INHERENT RISKS THAT CANNOT BE ELIMINATED COMPLETELY RANGING FROM MINOR INJURIES TO CATASTROPHIC INJURIES INCLUDING DEATH.
Death! We are risking death!
I like hot pink
I look good in pink
me: I look good in pink as well! Possibly navy letters
And there you have it.
And there we will be.
July 31st, 7 a.m.
Team OMG WTF, reporting for duty.
Dear Christ, save me now.