pick up artist

9 Feb

I was warned before I went over.

“People are going to stare at you,” Turner said. “You’re tall and very pale. They’re going to stare at you a lot.”

To be honest, I didn’t really notice people staring at me, but that was probably because I was too busy either A) staring back at them, or 2) staring at some lovely mosaic or architecture, or III) distracted by shiny, colorful objects that seemed to be everywhere, or #) too busy buying pottery to notice.

What I did notice, however, were the pickup lines.

As we squeezed our way through the crowded streets of the different medinas*the lines would sometimes come fast and furious, and other times would be nothing more than a hiss.

Because hissing is sexy! Hissing definitely makes me want to make out with you, lover!

Each day became a game to see if the next pick up line could top one from the day before. They were all just so…so…incredible, in their phrasing, in their individuality, in their mastery of the English language. **

While the quantity of lovely affirmations thrown our way was admirable, there were really only a few gems of quality in the mix.

There was the man who called out plaintively, wistfully, as we trekked back to our car, ready to head out of Marrakech, “Oh! Goodbye my ladies! You are my dream!”

And there was the man who asked slyly, “You want my schwarma?” (He won points for creativity and play on words.)

And let’s not forget the man who discretely chucked a Clementine peel at me. Errm…huh. Wait, maybe he wasn’t trying to pick me up.

There was also the man who asked with a leer, “You want to suck my cock?” which I originally misheard as “You want to smell my cock?”*** (Either way, no thank you.)

But the best line of all that we heard was in Fes, and was short and to the point. The young man looked at Turner, raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders at her querying simply:  “Moroccan husband?”

Turner declined politely.

She didn’t think her American husband would appreciate her saying otherwise.


*I swear, you’d think all I did on my trip was wander through the various medinas. It’s only half-true. The other half of the time was sitting on the couch watching Gossip Girl.

**We were told by many people that they’d learned to speak English by watching American movies.

***Either way, I’d like to know which American movie he learned THAT one from.


2 Responses to “pick up artist”

  1. The Swede February 9, 2011 at 10:28 AM #

    My good friend, White Boy, told me about a time several students he was studying with in Seville went to Tunis for a weekend holiday.

    They walked into a stall/store and were looking at wares when they noticed the proprietor sitting in the corner, watching them and… pleasuring himself beneath his robes.

    They yelled at him and left. He chased them down the street and seemed to be attempting to fling jism in their general direction, before several men and stopped him.

    The thought was that Arab men are mayhaps a bit repressed and do not know how to act around women. 😉

  2. Steph February 10, 2011 at 12:48 PM #

    This is awesome. I love that they learn English just to taunt you. You should feel special. Not all men would go out of their way to learn (sometimes vulgar) parts of a foreign language to pick up women. I say, SCORE! 😉

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