Pineapples were on sale at the Safeway this weekend.
So I bought one.
Last year I was wandering around the produce section this one…five….17 times, looking at the pineapples that were on sale then, too. I’d pick one up, put it down. Pick another one up. Stare at it for awhile. Put it back down.
I’ve always thought I wasn’t so much a big fan of pineapple, and it turns out I was very, very wrong. I adore fresh pineapple. I don’t like it when it’s cold, though. Hurts my teeth. I don’t like cold fruit in general.
I read a tutorial on how to slice fresh pineapple, either into rings or chunks.
I go with chunks. It’s just easier that way.
But before I could even do that, I had to actually, you know, buy a pineapple.
So I’d do laps around the produce section, bagging tomatoes into my cart, lettuce, cucumbers, wandering back over to the pineapples, picking them up. Staring at them for a little while, then putting the fruit back down. At some point, a Safeway employee intervened.
“Pineapples are on sale,” he said.
“I know,” I replied. I shrugged my shoulders. “I just don’t know how to pick one.”
“Oh well that’s easy.” The man hustled over next to me and picked up a pineapple. “See, you just pluck one of the spiky leaves from the top,” he explained. “If it comes out easily, it’s ripe and ready to eat. If it doesn’t pick another one.”
You have no idea how much easier that man made my life that day.
I was half-tempted to plant a big wet one on him, but I refrained.
I didn’t want to cause a scene.
Because then people would wonder why I was smooching the produce guy, and I’d have to explain that it was because he showed me how to pick a pineapple, and then all the girls would be jealous and want to know how to pick a pineapple and then there would be a rush on pineapples and then I would be sad at the dearth of pineapples left.
So I refrained.
And there are plenty of pineapples for me to choose.