lip gloss: evil beauty product or innocent bystander that got caught in the crossfire of me vs. the weather?

19 Oct

I’ve been fighting a random onset of Very Chapped Upper Lip for the past two weeks. I have no idea how this happened. I just woke up one morning and part of my upper lip was chapped. The next day the chapping spread, and the day after that and the day after that it was just chapped and cracked and unpleasant and dry and I was starting to look like I’d been snowboarding in the Antarctica for weeks on end, but trust me, I’ve never done anything as cool as that. It seemed to be aggravated by wearing lip gloss, so after Mare’s wedding a couple weeks ago, I went lip gloss-free for the rest of Baby Watch! 2009! week. Which isn’t very hard to do when your daily activities consist of going to Target, then coming home and taking a nap. Or going to get your nails done, and then coming home to take a nap. Or having lunch with your sister, then coming home and taking a nap. I’m sensing a theme here.

ANYWAY, just as my upper lip was on the brink of starting to return to normal, I went to Michigan. So what I’m about to tell you is ALL THE STATE OF MICHIGAN’S FAULT.

Actually, that’s not true. Michigan had nothing to do with this, except not really helping matters by being pretty cold, yet very lovely and bright and tempting on Saturday morning, so much so that Smell and I laced up our gym shoes and went for a run along the sparkling Bay. Coldness and chapped lips: It Ain’t So Good.

This was, of course, the Saturday morning that followed the Friday night of the rehearsal dinner where I *gasp* made the mistake of wearing lip gloss.


So when I woke up Saturday morning after my lip gloss-wearing Friday Night Frenzy, WOW. Hello. Good morning. OW. Apparently, applying the lip gloss to the upper lip really pissed off the upper lip and it was swollen and red and hurty and the horror, the horror.

As any 30-year-old woman who is sharing a hotel room with three of her college gal pals would do, I whined about my predicament to the one mom among us, mewling at her that it hurt. OW! I mean, it hurts! Mwwreehhh! Help! She simply said to put ice on it and we’d get something topical at the Walgreen’s later and I should take an ibuprofen for now and I should also seriously consider the quitting of whining because no, I was not dying, and no, I was not going to need a lipectomy, and for God’s sake, Molly, it does not look that bad. My friend Smell is in pharm school right now and while she was not the one to suggest taking an ibuprofen to relieve any pain, she was the one who doled out the ibuprofen, so I have to give her some credit for her help in this tragical situation.

Needless to say the only thing that went on my lips as we headed out the door for the wedding was a lip salve and some Benadryl topical cream (in case it wasn’t just severely chapped lips but rather some sort of allergic reaction) that burned like a motherfucker when applied.

I threw out the lip gloss. I was just so angry at it.

Now, a week-ish later, things seem to be finally getting back to normal. I did some reconnaissance on the Interwebs about chapped lips and one site suggested that if the lip was so cracked and bleeding or raw, to put Neosporin on it, and Burt’s Bees balm was also highly suggested. Thankfully, I have both, and have since engaged in controlled and systematic routine of applying one or both at various points of the day. I have high hopes that my upper lip will be completely back to normal within the next few days.

Once it’s completely healed, I might give a new lip gloss a try.


Or maybe it’s time to switch to lipstick.


4 Responses to “lip gloss: evil beauty product or innocent bystander that got caught in the crossfire of me vs. the weather?”


  1. money sagas: part II « - May 27, 2010

    […] cash for paying off debt. Around the same time, I remember having a conversation with my friend Poofie, she of the hysterical situation absorber. (By which I mean you call her when you are hysterical, […]

  2. the anti-tree hugger *shakes fist* « - June 22, 2010

    […] *shakes fist* Remember a few months back, on my Magical Michigan Mystery Tour, when I was battling my lip gloss for the rights over the good and evil of my upper lip? And remember how I said that it was getting […]

  3. photo friday: words « - September 1, 2010

    […] Remember that whole ridiculous lip issue/allergist trip I’ve been dealing with? Yeah, it’s still not completely 100% back to the […]

  4. photo friday*: early/late « - October 11, 2010

    […] this is what he looked like a year ago, when I had driven in from Michigan, hung over as shit after my friend’s wedding, to meet my new little […]

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