csb catch up: fresh strawberry cake, or, yet another awesome failure in the kitchen isweari’mnotasdumbasilook

Because of recent events, like moving and starting a new job, I totally fell off the motherfucking baking train.

(You didn’t know there was a baking train, did you? Well there is. And it smells like vanilla and pumpkin pie and unicorns. Ta daaa!)

Which is kind of a huge disappointment to me, because though I never expressed it on paper, in my head  I really wanted to achieve the goal of baking all 12 months of the Cake Slice Bakers this year. And I was on a pretty good track (here, here, here, here and here—WOW, there have been some epic failures) and then SPLAT. I moved. And am a bit vagabondish, without a kitchen to call my own.

But a few weekends ago I decided I could just as easily call someone else’s kitchen my own (NOBODY HAS TO KNOW! EXCEPT NOW YOU DO!). The Swede and I were watching the Chicken Nugget for the weekend, and on Saturday night, while Chicken Nugget snoozed soundly and The Swede jaunted off to the Mad Hatter’s Ball with a friend, I pulled out my sister’s Kitchenaid and various and sundry ingredients, and set to work to catch up on the cakes I’ve missed.

Erm, well, at least one cake I’ve missed.

Full disclosure: Post-goodnighting the Chicken Nugget and pre-departure for the ball, The Swede, His Pal Dave and I may have partaken of this, which The Swede and His Pal Dave picked up on their earlier afternoon outing to a local distillery:

Stand back! Wild turkey's a-foot!

I regret nothing. (Also, for the record, I only partook of the gin.) (WHAT?)

Though it may explain the phenomenal shitshow of a cake that would come later.

So anyway, I set about my merry baking way for the fresh strawberry cake with white chocolate chips which was the chosen cake for June. I scooped, I whisked, I sliced, I threw shit in a bowl, vaguely looking at the directions and measurements. Because it was Saturday night! I was living it up! F YOU, 2 teaspoons of vanilla! I can’t find you, SO I’M LEAVING YOU OUT!* One cup of white chocolate chips MY ASS! WE’RE ADDING THE WHOLE BAG! AND SOME GIN! FOR GOOD MEASURE! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT THE MIXER? STOP YELLING AT THE MIXER OR YOU’LL WAKE THAT BABY UP. AND THAT WILL PUT A SERIOUS CRAMP IN YOUR BAKING. AND GIN. BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE’LL WANT TO SHARE.

And after all of that, I ended up with an oozy, falling apart hot mess that once again had to go BACK into the oven to finish baking, and even then it was served up was STILL a hot messandItotallyforgottotakepicturesofitIblamethegin. So instead you can have a picture of the luscious strawberries that went into the cake.

Surprisingly, it tasted pretty good. The Swede had some for breakfast the next morning, as did the Chicken Nugget.**

(Yes, I let him eat cake for breakfast. THERE WAS FRUIT IN IT. What are aunts for? Cake with a side of veggie sausage patties is a perfectly fine breakfast.)

But then again, that kid will eat anything, so I don’t really trust his judgment.

But here, have a picture of him anyway to make up for my lack of cake picture. He’s so disappointed in Aunt Molly and her shoddy cake-making skills as of late. Whatever, kid. Have another veggie patty, buck-o.

WTF, woman? Where's The Swede? There's got to be at least one responsible adult around here.

*Seriously, why can I never find/am always out of vanilla?

**Don’t worry, I didn’t actually put gin in the cake. We don’t start our kids on liquor-soaked baked goods until they’re at least three years old, so he’s still got another year to go. 

the cheesecake challenge

I’ve tasked The Swede with devising challenges for me to complete each week. Much of it has to do with my lack of initiative and motivation, but that’s another post for another day.

The first week of challenges, he gave me a writing-based challenge and, for purely selfish reasons, a food challenge.

“Make a cheesecake,” he said. “And then write a blog post about it.”

I pondered. I debated saying no. I’d never made a cheesecake before, and it seemed quite tricky. Plus, I don’t own a springform pan, which in all the cheesecake recipes I’ve encountered, seems to be an essential piece of equipment in the making of said cheesecake.

But I do love cheesecake.

And I do love a challenge.

And The Swede’s alright too, so I accepted the cheesecake challenge, and then waited until just about the last minute (all challenges are to be done within a week’s time, those are the rules and I am nothing if not a fan of rules. RULES RULE! What? Never mind.) to actually, you know, make the cheesecake.

I scoured my cookery books and the interwebs for a recipe, before settling on one that met my own internal criteria for a virgin cheesecake-making mission (it must be easy, and it must not require a springform pan. The end.). And of course I found luck in the greatest cookbook ever, which is devoted to all things cream cheese, the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Collection. Their luscious lemon cheesecake seemed perfect for the summergoodtimes that had cropped up. And by cropped up I mean it’s gotten very hot in these parts.

F-ing swamp.

What?

Oh right, the recipe.

AWESOME.

Seriously, Interwebers, this recipe couldn’t be easier.

Just throw these ingredients together:

Oh, and sugar. Sugar is not pictured in this photo, because sugar was off doing her makeup. Or because I forgot to pull her out of the cabinet.

But no worries, she made it into the bowl!

Also: who knew sugar was female?

Whip the ingredients together until it’s all smooth and lovely, and pour it into the pie crust.

And then bake it.

As I mentioned before, I’ve never made a cheesecake, and the direction, “bake until the center is almost set” seemed vague at best. Also, NO ONE MENTIONED THAT THE CHEESECAKE WOULD PUFF UP LIKE THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY.

But I went with my instincts, and took into account the crackled top of the cheesecake to make the executive decision that it was, indeed, fully cooked. And made sad faces at the pie when it was so high above the crust, because that is NOT what it looked like in the picture.

My sad faces were for naught, though. I left the house a little later for dinner with a friend, only to return in a few hours to find a deflated, and very lovely looking cheesecake.

I’d show it to you, but The Swede ate it too fast for me to snap a photo of it.

Which means this challenge?

TOTAL.

WIN.

Here’s the recipe, complete with directions. It’s so easy, I’m pretty sure a toddler could make it.

Luscious Lemon Cheesecake

2 pkg. (8 oz. each) cream cheese, softened

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 tsp. grated lemon zest

1 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice

1/2 tsp. vanilla

2   eggs

1 graham pie crust (6 oz.)

PREHEAT oven to 350°F. Beat cream cheese, sugar, peel, juice and vanilla with electric mixer on medium speed until well blended. Add eggs; mix just until blended.

POUR into crust.

BAKE 40 minutes or until center is almost set. Cool. Refrigerate at least 3 hours or overnight. Store leftover cheesecake in refrigerator.

wherein we all test positive for heroin, or csb cake: may

Fear, people.
Fear.

That was my first reaction when I saw that this month’s cake selection for the Cake Slice Bakers was from the Sky High book of cakes cookbook. Don’t get me wrong, these cakes, from what I’ve seen are delicious and oh-so-pri-tay, but they also involve FROSTING a CAKE.

And we all know how well that goes for me.

Because of my now DEEP! FEAR! AM SKERRED! of frosting cakes, I hemmed and hawed and basically put off making this cake for as long as I could. Okay, a lot of that procrastination also had to do with me being busy and traveling a couple of times this month for work and play, but still. There was a lot of walking in circles in my studio box apartment and wringing of hands and turning over and over in my head the idea of scratching the triple layer cake aspect of it in favor of cupcakes. Again.

But no! NO! I told myself. You need to get over this fear of frosting cakes. You need to get past your issues. You need to move on. YOU NEED TO MAKE THE CAKE AS INSTRUCTED.

Except Interwebers, do I ever do anything as directed? Do I ever do what people tell me to do? Well, yes, actually, sometimes I do. But not in the kitchen! The kitchen is my headquarters, and I am the CEO! AND I MAKE THE RULES!

Plus, I’m still sort of scared about the whole frosting thing. And I don’t want my cake to turn out all fugly and shit.

But I did make the cake as instructed, with one teensy…tiny…miniscule modification on the frosting aspect.

But we’ll get to that in a minute.

Let’s talk about how it tastes.

Lemony!

And poppy seedy!

(Do poppy seeds really taste like anything?) (And I really hope there isn’t some sort of surprise drug test tomorrow.)

Tasty! If you like lemony and poppy seedy things!

I’m helpful!
Gah.

The frosting was quite sweet, what with the almond extract, but the cream cheese balanced it out nicely, so it wasn’t cloying. And as far as processes go, it’s a pretty easy cake to make and assemble.

Before we get into pictures, let me just say one thing: I’m sorry for the shitty picture quality. I’m just…it’s just….yeah. I’m sorry. My kitchen lighting blows.

So. As I mentioned, I frosted the cake, but I didn’t exactly frost the cake.

There…see what I did there? I didn’t frost the sides. It helped greatly in relieving my fear of frosting cakes. (And no, the cake is not crooked [entirely], I just have problems, apparently, keeping my camera straight when taking pictures.) And it still looks tasty! Is Art!

I debated leaving it like that, all nekkid on top and whatnot, but when I saw how much frosting was leftover, I realized that would have been a crime against humanity.

And I’m not one to be okay with crimes against humanity. Particularly when they involve cream cheese.

I also added some sliced almonds on top of the frosting between layers, as well as on top of the cake (as you can see). I’m not sure if I would do this next time, but it’s certainly not a bad thing. Added a little crunch, but nothing, IMHO, really to the overall almond flavor of the dessert. But it’s pri-tay! IS ART!

Obviously I have overall alignment problems. Whatever! It looks better standing up!

See?

Yum.

And I think it’s safe to say I’ve gotten over my fear of frosting cakes. For now. As long as I don’t have to frost the sides. Or make it look neat and pretty.

Maybe I should just stick to stuffedcakes.

May’s Cake: Lemon Poppy Seed Cake with Almond Frosting

Lemon Poppy Seed Cake with Almond Frosting

(Recipe from Sky High Irresistible Layer Cakes by Alisa Huntsman and Peter Wynne)

Lemon Poppy Seed Cake

3 cups cake flour

2 cups sugar

4½ tsp baking powder

½ tsp salt

3 tbsp poppy seeds

2 sticks (8 ounces) unsalted butter

1 large lemon, zest and juice

1¼ cups buttermilk*

5 egg whites

1/3 cup water

Poppy seeds or flaked almonds to decorate

Almond Frosting

8 ounces cream cheese

2 sticks (8 ounces) unsalted butter

5 cups confectioners sugar

1 tbsp almond extract

* If you don’t have buttermilk you can make your own by stirring 3 teaspoons of vinegar or lemon juice into each cup of milk and leaving for 10 minutes.

Method

To make the cake, heat the oven to 350F. Grease three 8 inch cake pans and line the bases with parchment paper. Combine the flour, 1¾ cups sugar, baking powder, poppy seeds and salt in a mixing bowl. Mix gently to combine.

Add the butter, lemon zest and 1 cup of buttermilk to the flour. Beat on low until completely mixed. Raise the speed to medium and beat for 1-2 minutes until lighter in colour.

In a medium bowl, combine the egg whites with the remaining ¼ cup buttermilk, whisk to blend thoroughly. Add the egg white mixture to the batter in 2-3 additions, scraping down the sides of the bowl and beating only enough to incorporate the mix. Divide the batter between the three pans.

Bake for 25 to 30 minutes until the cakes are golden brown, spring back when touched lightly in the centre, and a cake tester comes out clean. Leave to cool in the pans for 10 minutes before turning out.

While the cake layers are cooling, make a lemon syrup. In a small pan combine the remaining ¼ cup sugar, water and lemon juice. Bring to the boil, stirring to dissolve the sugar.

Generously brush the cakes with the lemon syrup while they are still warm. Then allow the cakes to cool completely.

To make the frosting, in a large mixing bowl beat the cream cheese and butter with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Gradually add the confectioners sugar, 1 cup at a time, beating well between each addition. Add the almond extract and then continue to beat well for 3-4 minutes until light and fluffy.

To complete the cake, place one layer, top side down, on a cake plate and spread about a fifth of the frosting over the cake to cover evenly. Repeat with the second layer and place the third layer on top. Frost the top and sides of the cake with the remaining frosting. Garnish with your choice of flaked almonds or poppy seeds.

Makes 1 x 8inch triple layer cake. Serves 12-16

my lovely lady bundts

…check it out!

It’s the least I could do for you, getting that Fergie song stuck in your head. You’re welcome.

So a few months back I was going through a mini bundt cake phase for various and sundry reasons*, and bought a bunch of mini bundt pans from World Market. Because how cute are mini bundt pans?

Right?

I know.

Super cute.

And for me not being a big cake fan (don’t start), mini bundts are actually quite splendid I think, because you can get that just-right amount of cake without having a whole honking cake leftover and having to be all, “WTF am I going to do with the rest of this cake? And how the shit am I supposed to transport it?”

So mini bundts. Much better.

And just as easy as cupcakes, once you get the fill amount correct. Too much uncooked batter, say, filling it to the brim of the pan or just barely under, and the cakes will overflow, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but they don’t sit as nicely and as level-y when you turn them out. But if you only fill them about ¾ of the way? Muuuch better. Use your favorite chocolate cake recipe—any will do, really. And for the glaze on top, you can use your favorite as well.

But HWHUT! if I don’t have a favorite?

Well! Then here’s one to give a go:

• 1 (14 ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

In a saucepan over medium heat, combine the sweetened condensed milk and chocolate chips. Cook, stirring constantly, until the chips are melted and the mixture is smooth. Do not allow it to bubble. Remove from the heat and stir in vanilla. Cool slightly before drizzling over a cake. If you want to make this ahead, it can be cooled and reheated in the microwave.

(BTW – that glaze recipe was pulled from AllRecipes.com.)

(And Note: I haven’t actually made this recipe, but it sounds delicious and relatively easy, and based on my experience with frosting and glazes, I’m going to go ahead and give it a thumbs up just from just the look of it. Although I’m wary of the reheating in the microwave process. Let me know how that goes.)

And when it’s all said and done, take your fork and dive into this. Yes, this:

You won’t regret it.

And again: You’re welcome.

*NO, I’m not going to tell you my reasons, because then you might steal my brilliant plan and I will be a sad, mini bundt cake-less panda.

mmmmm….bundty…..

step-ball-change, kick!

You know what else helps when you’re having a bit of a day and you feel like you need to organize the chaos

Baking a cake.

No?

Just me?

Huh.

Well fine, then you do not get to have any of my cake with a kick. You also do not get to have any of the peace of mind that washes over me when things seem to be wonky and my head feels swimmy and I pull open the cupboards and first I put this in a bowl and then this, and then this and then I do this and then I stir it and then I put it in the oven, all in that order, look, it’s all there laid out, step by step, nice and orderly, and then TA-DAAAA!

I have a cake!

With a kick!

And holy shit is it good nom nom nom

But if that seems crazy to you, well, then I don’t know what to say. Except that it works for me.

If it doesn’t seem crazy to you, then maybe check out this recipe, which I pulled many moons ago from one of the online food chats for the Washington Post. (I do love those Food Rangers!)

Cake with a Kick!

Take a yellow cake mix and prepare it as per the instructions. Add in ½ cup sour cream and a bag of chocolate chips. Throw it in a bundt pan and bake as directed.

That’s it. There are no directions other than that. It’s like, the easiest thing ever.

I know I feel better. How about you? Or do you have another method that calms the crazies that you’d care to share?

oh! it’s a kaaayyyyke!

 

So I had to make this cake for my secret interwebs baking club, the Cake Slice Bakers. Remember last month? This month was more traditional cake-y, rather than coffee cake-y, which was a nice change up.

Except that I am apparently completely inept.

I take that back. The cake turned out just fine. The frosting turned out just fine. Apparently struggle mode didn’t start until I had to put the two together.

Let me back up. I had big plans for this cake. I was going to bake it two weeks ago, when I had a free weekend, and then I…didn’t. I’m not exactly sure why. I may have gotten distracted by lolling about. Or a shiny object. Hard to say. But it worked out for the best because I ended up making it last Sunday to bring to a Family dinner at Scalzo’s new place up in Baltimore.

Now. Full disclosure: I’m not the hugest cake fan. I like it okay, but I like it in small doses. Sometimes I get a craving for cake, but those cravings are not all that frequent. But! I dished this out to people who do really like cake, and they seemed to enjoy it. Maybe they were lying. Hard to say. But plates don’t lie, and plates were empty, so I’ll take that as a good sign.

Anyway, I stumbled out of bed on Sunday morning and started banging around in the kitchen, making the burnt sugar syrup – which I thought would be utterly trying and likely result in something exploding in my kitchen and me living out the years there with hardened caramel stuck to the walls and ceiling, but actually it was quite simple and painless – and getting the other ingredients together to make the cake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Except I was out of milk.

And the recipe calls for milk.

And I was all, “MOTHER. FUCKER.” Because it was Sunday morning and I’d been having a perfectly good morning until that point, and was very annoyed with myself. And lack of dairy products, apparently. (I really can’t be held responsible for the reasons I yell this word. It happens so often I’ve given up hope of reigning it in.)

So I left.

I left the burnt sugar syrup to cool on the stove. I left the butter on the counter. I left the dry ingredients sitting in a bowl.

And went and got a car wash.

What?

It was on my list of things to do that day. Did you not read the part about me going up to Baltimore? Which means driving other people in my car? Which means maybe I should get rid of the “Oh, haiii! I iz transporting goggies on teh Saturzdayz to run in icky weather and nowz my car iz smelly!” perfume that wafted about. Mmm…wet dog.

It needed to be done. And I obviously had to go to the store anyway, so while I was out….

ANYWAY, back to the cake. The missing milk turned out to be the least of my problems. Wait, problems is too harsh of a word. Because really, I had no problems making the cake, save for the detour I took in the middle of the process. I did cook the two rounds longer than the suggested 20 to 25 minutes (I think I ended up at about 30-35 minutes), because they were still a bit jiggly in the middle. But they came out smoothly from their pans, and holy pants did they make the shoebox apartment smell delicious. I may have seriously considered licking the walls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MAYHAPS.

Once cooled, I whipped up the frosting and set about putting the cake together.

Which is where the problems started.

And then continued.

Until I thanked my lucky stars that The Girls really could give a hoot what something looks like as long as it looks semi-edible but tastes incredible.

Am blessed.

I slathered some of the frosting on one layer of the cake (which was face down), and then carefully put the other layer on top of it, also facedown, per the instructions. And then tried to frost all over. Which didn’t work because, oh, hey! There’s a huge motherfucking gap between the layers! And the frosting will not cover the gaps! And the cake looks atrocious! Good times!

 

I then did what anyone in their right minds would do. (Right? RIGHT?!) I stood and stared at the cake for awhile. Then stared at the frosting I had left over, both in the bowl and glooping at the edges of the cake. (Probably should have added more powdered sugar, that. Eh.) Then stared at the cake some more. Then decided, you know what? I’m just going to flip that layer over, so the layers are butt-to-butt. (Cakes have butts? What?) (Oh whatever. Don’t act like you don’t totally know what I’m talking about.)

So I gingerly peeled off the top layer of cake and quickly yet gently flipped it over. Ta-DAAAA! No gaps, easier to frost. And thankfully, since the cake is so dense itself, the top layer did not break in half. Hurrah! I went about happily frosting the cake – and still had plenty of frosting left over, BTW. Damn that recipe makes a lot of frosting.

Now, I’m not sure when this next thing happened. Whether it was while I was wrapping up the cake for travel or while I was actually frosting it, I can’t say. But I can tell you that I ended up not with a lovely, stacked cake, but a leaning tower of burnt sugar cake. The goddamned thing shifted on me. And not just slightly, but like, a goodly amount. See?

Yeah.

Sigh.

Pay no attention to the sloppy frosting!

I said don’t look!

It tasted good at least. I think it might be better as cupcakes, actually. I’ll have to try that next time.

But in the meantime, my friends, Burnt Sugar Cake.

 

I’ll bake it if you promise to frost it.

And cut it.

3 out of 5 stars from This Girl.

Next month! It’s…shhhhh! It’s a surprise! You’ll have to wait until December 20^th to find out. Unless you live in the DC area, in which case don’t be alarmed if I come a-calling, trying to pawn off a half-eaten cake on you.

the most boring channel ever. and cake!

Baby Watch! 2009! is still the most boring channel ever. Nothing is happening. This kid is never coming out. So I’ve decided to go to lunch with one of my other sisters while the pregnant one goes to the doctor so the doctor can confirm why yes, yes indeed, your child is not going to be born until, oh, 2012, because he’s just that comfortable in your womb.

But in the meantime, have some cake!

My best gal, happens to be a funeral director, and is in love with another funeral director, which is good since they got married this weekend. And as funeral directors are wont to be, they are incredibly fun, party-type people who like the whimsy. Hence, the cake at their rehearsal dinner:

Yeah, it was pretty awesome. And freakin’ tasty, too. Who knew death could be so delicious?

This top urn cake was almond with apricot filling.

This bottom casket cake was chocolate banana cake with peanut butter mousse filling. Would you just LOOK at the DETAIL on this thing? Clever, I tell you. There is nothing better than clever cake.

Casket and urn cake courtesy of The Cake Girls right here in Chicago.