If you live in Chicago or the Chicagoland area, you’re probably aware that Dominick’s closed all of its stores at the end of December. Sad, to be sure, but I’d be more broken up about it if a Mariano’s hadn’t opened up a few months ago a mere three blocks from our condo.
(For those of you who live in the upper East Coast/Mid-Atlantic, it’s like having a Wegman’s open up within sprinting distance. Understand? Yes. And yes, of course I’ve been concocting wildly irrational reasons to make yet another trip to Mariano’s, just like I did for Wegman’s. And those reasons may or may not be along the lines of needing to check their soup bar every day to see if they have the butternut squash and ginger soup I like. Or bricks of feta. [No on the former, yes on the latter.] [And actually, when I think about it, these reasons seem perfectly normal to me.] )
Anyway, before Christmas, the Dominick’s stores that were closing for good, and not being turned into other grocery stores, had a CPG fire sale. Everything must go! Sale! Sale! Sale! They started with health and beauty products, slashing them to 50 percent off. And then it was on to non-perishables as people went on their own personal Supermarket Sweep. The store shelves depleted quickly, and it’s (probably) a fact that garages filled with case upon case of more canned pumpkin than you could ever need in a lifetime.
And then, a brilliant few days after the health and beauty products went on sale, Dominick’s put their liquor on sale.
Thirty percent off, with an extra 10 percent if you bought six bottles or more.
That Monday morning, when liquor sales started at 8 am, I was more than a little befuddled as to why Swede was still at home. I was walking out the door to work, but Swede works for himself, and works from home, and there was absolutely no reason why he was still in the condo when there was cheap booze to be had (and to be fair, also cheap cans of a specific brand of chili beans I use, and Kleenex. Priorities.). Thank the sweet lord he ended up leaving a little while later, and after two hours of radio silence, I got these two texts, one after another.
Text 1: Ham!
Text 2: I got 3 hams!
“I never said anything about ham,” I muttered to myself, but you know what? Ham is delicious. So I wasn’t complaining. Especially when it then followed that he’d also bought four bottles of gin.
Gin and ham.
Every McPolish’s dream come true.
A flurry of texting, imperative rapid-fire questions and statements from Swede ensued, demanding answers and responses along the lines of, “More gin or weird Absolut flavor?” (Answer: Yes.) “Want big bottles of yellowtail cab or merlot for six bucks?” (Answer: How is that even a question?), and “Someone stole Rumchata from my basket. There were three in there, but when I got to the register there were only two. Sneaky bitchez.” (Answer: I shake my fist at you, Other Dominick’s Booze Hounds.)
All told, Swede went to three different Dominick’s that day, and then braved a fourth trip with me later that evening because I wanted to experience the carnage for myself. Brave man, that one.
But look, just look, at the rewards he reaped, for a grand total of $12.*
We are set with ham and gin until at least Valentine’s Day.
*Okay, it was more than that. Maybe more like $15.